Dads

A father's grief is pretty complicated. In my option, even more than a mother's, when a pregnancy is lost. Mother's have every day of a pregnancy. For most, from the minute the test shows positive, life is different. We eat differently, we take vitamins and see the doctor regularly. Dad's get to watch. Many are just as excited as mothers at the joyous news, but they don't "feel" different. Once a Dad gets to feel his child move, it makes the impending baby real. They think about the future, holding their child, playing with their child and protecting their child. When a pregnancy is lost, their future is shattered too. Mourning is expected for the mothers. Fathers often get over looked. Well wishers often ask about the mothers and give advice to the fathers without thinking about how they may be feeling. It is also complicated by the social norms of our culture. Fathers and husbands are fixers and protectors. The fathers I know, often express not wanting to upset their wives further by crying or talking about the baby. They grieve in a private hidden way.  They feel as if they let their family down.
    It is so important to be patient and kind to all the Dads too. They are feeling the same as we Moms are, they are mourning the hopes and dreams of this tiny little life. They too wonder if there something they could have done to prevent the loss. They too are fearful of what the future may hold. Our society needs to accept the need to grieve for fathers as well a mothers. As these children were not created by mothers only.


http://www.mend.org/newsletters/vol3iss1.htm#Perspective
http://www.missfoundation.org/family/dads/journal.html