Trying Again

The decision to try to conceive again after a loss is one of the hardest and scariest decisions you will ever have to make. Heavy in our minds and hearts are our angels and the possibility of facing another loss. However you decide to add to your family, whether it be another pregnancy or an adoption, waiting will be part of it. It's that time with you thoughts that can be so painful and scary. During another pregnancy, you keep waiting for something to go wrong. You will keep waiting for a doctor to tell you there is no heartbeat or your baby has a lethal diagnosis. It's maddening, truly. There are days the grief is so overwhelming you don't think you can go on. It's those days when your angel will be there for you. When no one else can understand why you are not thinking positively or hopeful, your angel will be there. It's so important to hold on to whatever you can to get through another pregnancy minute by minute. The same holds true for adoption. Even though it may seem easier to adopt, and not go through the insanity of another pregnancy, there is still anxiety and fear. During another pregnancy, at the very least the baby is with you and you have a bit more control over the day to day. If you feel a strange symptom, you can go to the doctor for reassurance. During the adoption process you are at the mercy of others. The adoption agency, the schedule and forms, the country, all along the way, you are waiting for others to do their job and help you. A pregnancy cannot last longer than 42 weeks, at max. Many times after a loss, you will not have to wait 42 weeks, the doctors will want your baby out almost as much as you do to ensure their safety. An adoption can last a year or more depending on so may factors, that are out of your hands. The plus, you will be given a live child. A pregnancy may not have those same results. Even though the odds are in your favor.
  It is important during both, to realize, you are both your best and worst ally. To survive the almost unbearable wait, you must use coping skills to keep your sanity. Remember,  you have a reason to be scared. Sometimes the simple admission of that fact can help you. We fight so hard against the sadness and fear. Sometimes embracing it, as our own reality can add a level of comfort. Reminding yourself of the facts at that moment can help too. When your mind and fears are spiraling out of control, stopping to assess what is happening at that exact minute can help lessen the fear. Is your baby okay right then and there? Have you done everything you can do up to that point? Have you spoken to your adoption agency and submitted all the paperwork you are responsible for?
   Truly adding to your family after a loss or losses will test you in ways you didn't think possible. It will bring you to the brink of sanity. If you can survive it though, you will have the greatest gift in the world, a child. You also will take with you the knowledge you have survived the worst and live to tell about it.


http://miscarriage.about.com/od/tryingagainafterloss/Trying_to_Conceive_After_Miscarriage_Pregnancy_Loss.htm

http://www.babyzone.com/preconception/getting_pregnant/article/conceive-after-stillbirth

http://blightedovum.kokopuff.net/trying.html

http://www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com/articles/ber_q2.html