Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

On this day, we take time to remember our babies and remember all the babies who have died. By banding together, we show the world, our babies we real and loved and remembered always.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day

http://www.pilari.org/

Education

As this is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, it is important for us to take the opportunity to educate others as we grieve. Speaking for myself, it was very painful to me that others did not understand the depth of our loss and grief. Since no one really talks about the loss of a baby, whether during pregnancy or after birth, grieving parents are alienated and have to hide their grief away. Without education, those who have not experienced the loss first hand do not know to or know how to support those who have experienced this most heartbreaking loss. It is our right as bereaved parents to speak openly about our loss. We should not hide our grief away. Our children were loved, and wanted and are sorely missed everyday of our lives.

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/qt/comments.htm

http://www.pregnancy.org/article/responding-when-people-dont-understand-your-miscarriage

Time

It is often said that “time heals all wounds” or “this too shall pass.” Time passes. It does not heal. Healing is an active process. It doesn’t happen to us. We must participate in the process of our healing. Healing also happens for us. It is a gift we give to ourselves in the moment we decide to stay “open” to what has broken us. It allows us to bring our lost babies with us, through the rest of our lives. It allows us to share our babies with our subsequent children and teach them about love and loss, compassion and empathy. 


As a newly bereaved parent, this might sound impossible. Healing, thankfully, does not require huge steps. Tiny steps add up. Before you think it is even possible, you might find yourself smiling at the thought of your baby instead of just crying. You might see a butterfly and think of your child peaceful and free. Sure, there will be setbacks along the way, but when you taste the freedom and peace healing can provide, you will be inspired to continue. Our babies deserve a chance at the happiness and love our healing can give.

Time does not heal, but healing does take time. Give yourself the gift of time. 



http://www.griefwatch.com/


http://www.connect.legacy.com/inspire/page/show?id=1984035:Page:3302

http://ezinearticles.com/?Time-is-Different-When-Youre-Grieving&id=630738

http://www.griefhealing.com/column1.htm

Walk to Remember

19th Annual

Walk to Remember

October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. A national network of parents, healthcare professionals, friends and family members across the United States will be symbolically joining each other by participating in their local "Walk to Remember". This walk is dedicated to approximately 870,000 babies who die each year through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or newborn death.

Date: Sunday October 3, 2010 - rain or shine

Time: 1:00pm

Place: Waryas Park at the foot of Main Street, Poughkeepsie, NY 12601

*Everyone is welcome- your family, friends and other bereaved families

*For more information, please contact Ann Critelli (845)224-6470

Sponsored by the Perinatal Bereavement Program at Vassar Brothers Medical Center

First Trimester Loss

Pregnancy loss at any stage is hard. I think the loss of a pregnancy during the first trimester can be the hardest. In most cases, you have nothing, no photo, no ultrasound, no urn, no grave site to tend. Most doctors do not do any testing to determine cause after a single loss. Many people say it's common and to just get over it and try again. There is literally no one to turn to. It is tragic, on top of losing your precious child, you have also lost the right to grieve.
There are many things that may help after a first trimester loss. Naming your child can be extremely helpful. No matter how long your pregnancy lasted, this was still your baby. A name can help you make a real connection with your child. A name makes your child real, it was not a group of cells, it was not a tiny embryo or a fetus, it was your baby. Over the years I have met many parents who have named children they never got to see or touch. Children that may otherwise have been forgotten.
Another way to help grieve for your child is to make a donation in your child name or in your family name to a foundation for children or a needy family with a child close in age to your baby. The gift of giving can go a great distance to help your heart find peace again.
Sometimes a piece of jewelry can be helpful. There are many types of memorial jewelry to be found that can help as a physical reminder of your loss. A locket, angel pin or pendant or a bracelet can be a tangible reminder of your loss and your love.
Your love for your child starts well before the birth. Your love starts before conception. Your love started when you first thought about starting a family. How can you be expected to just turn your back on a child created in love, even though the child has passed away?

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/qt/comments.htm

http://pregnancyloss.info/

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/rememberingyourbaby/tp/miscmemorials.htm

Relationship Issues

I recently read an article that said a large number of marriages having experienced the loss of a child fail. It really made me angry and sad. Sad for these marriages now facing the additional loss of their family, but angry because that does not have to be the case. I truly blame our society. We live in a society that does not allow bereaved parents to grieve. We are expected to put on an happy face and just move on, when inside we are dying. We aren't allowed to talk about our children, cry for our children, truly mourn the greatest loss of our life. It is insanity. How can a marriage expect to survive under that cover? How can a person survive? What we need is understanding, we need to be able to express our sadness in our own way. We need the acknowledgement that our children were and are an important part of our lives. We need the acceptance of the new people we have become after the loss of our child. All of these things could take the pressure off of our shoulders as we learn to live without our children instead of adding more stress to our lives.
 Now, sadly, there are marriages that cannot survive the loss of a child, but there are also marriages made stronger in spite of their loss. Of the ones I have seen, the greatest common factor is understanding. I think when a couple understands that the other partner is grieving in their own way, it can take a bit of pressure off the marriage. There will be times when you will grieve together as a couple, particularly when you are newly bereaved. In the beginning, you are both so raw. As a little time passes, people start to get more comfortable with their way of grieving. If we can respect that difference, we can reduce some of the conflict that might arise. Also if we can come together, and realize our common ground is our undying love for our children, we can team up against a society that does not recognize our babies.


http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/bereavedmoms.html

http://marriage.about.com/cs/parenting/a/unthinkgrief.htm

http://www.erichad.com/marriage.htm

Walk to Remember

Every year we do this event to honor our children. We are looking for suggestions to better this memorial. If you have any suggestions at all,  please let us know.