Special Days

Anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, date of death... these are the days bereaved parents dread.  We wait for them, and they mark the passing of another year without our beloved children. They are the days when your grief can surge and spill over. As if we need anything else to stress ourselves when dealing with life without our children, these days can be very stressful. We stress over who will remember and who will forget. We stress over what to do to honor our children. We stress over all the mundane activities we are still slaves to, even though we'd rather they all disappear at least for one day. April 19 marked our son Derek's 6th birthday. Every year we "celebrate" with a cake and sing happy birthday. It is so bittersweet. On one hand I love to sing happy birthday to our angel, on the other hand, I'd rather be singing to a living child. Hearing our other children sing happy birthday to their brother makes me cry, every time. Over the years I have heard of many things that can help commemorate the passing of another year. Planting a garden can be helpful and fun. Growing something that comes back year after year can really help ease the pain of not mothering a child. As each year passes, adding new plants can really make a beautiful memorial to your child. Some parents plant trees, watching it grow each year for your child. Having a balloon release is another suggestion. Sending a balloon up to your angel can be a nice thing to do, especially when you have other children.  We always spend Derek's birthday outside. The fresh air and sunshine make it very hard to be depressed and sad. I always think of it, as if he were living. If we had a living 6 year old, he's most likely want to be playing outside on his birthday. It's also important to remember, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate a special day. What works this year may or may not work next year. It's more important to do something that brings you peace at this emotional time.

http://www.alovingjourney.org/angelversary.htm