First Trimester Loss

Pregnancy loss at any stage is hard. I think the loss of a pregnancy during the first trimester can be the hardest. In most cases, you have nothing, no photo, no ultrasound, no urn, no grave site to tend. Most doctors do not do any testing to determine cause after a single loss. Many people say it's common and to just get over it and try again. There is literally no one to turn to. It is tragic, on top of losing your precious child, you have also lost the right to grieve.
There are many things that may help after a first trimester loss. Naming your child can be extremely helpful. No matter how long your pregnancy lasted, this was still your baby. A name can help you make a real connection with your child. A name makes your child real, it was not a group of cells, it was not a tiny embryo or a fetus, it was your baby. Over the years I have met many parents who have named children they never got to see or touch. Children that may otherwise have been forgotten.
Another way to help grieve for your child is to make a donation in your child name or in your family name to a foundation for children or a needy family with a child close in age to your baby. The gift of giving can go a great distance to help your heart find peace again.
Sometimes a piece of jewelry can be helpful. There are many types of memorial jewelry to be found that can help as a physical reminder of your loss. A locket, angel pin or pendant or a bracelet can be a tangible reminder of your loss and your love.
Your love for your child starts well before the birth. Your love starts before conception. Your love started when you first thought about starting a family. How can you be expected to just turn your back on a child created in love, even though the child has passed away?

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/qt/comments.htm

http://pregnancyloss.info/

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/rememberingyourbaby/tp/miscmemorials.htm

Relationship Issues

I recently read an article that said a large number of marriages having experienced the loss of a child fail. It really made me angry and sad. Sad for these marriages now facing the additional loss of their family, but angry because that does not have to be the case. I truly blame our society. We live in a society that does not allow bereaved parents to grieve. We are expected to put on an happy face and just move on, when inside we are dying. We aren't allowed to talk about our children, cry for our children, truly mourn the greatest loss of our life. It is insanity. How can a marriage expect to survive under that cover? How can a person survive? What we need is understanding, we need to be able to express our sadness in our own way. We need the acknowledgement that our children were and are an important part of our lives. We need the acceptance of the new people we have become after the loss of our child. All of these things could take the pressure off of our shoulders as we learn to live without our children instead of adding more stress to our lives.
 Now, sadly, there are marriages that cannot survive the loss of a child, but there are also marriages made stronger in spite of their loss. Of the ones I have seen, the greatest common factor is understanding. I think when a couple understands that the other partner is grieving in their own way, it can take a bit of pressure off the marriage. There will be times when you will grieve together as a couple, particularly when you are newly bereaved. In the beginning, you are both so raw. As a little time passes, people start to get more comfortable with their way of grieving. If we can respect that difference, we can reduce some of the conflict that might arise. Also if we can come together, and realize our common ground is our undying love for our children, we can team up against a society that does not recognize our babies.


http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/bereavedmoms.html

http://marriage.about.com/cs/parenting/a/unthinkgrief.htm

http://www.erichad.com/marriage.htm

Walk to Remember

Every year we do this event to honor our children. We are looking for suggestions to better this memorial. If you have any suggestions at all,  please let us know.