Thankful

Thanksgiving can be a very hard holiday to cope with as a bereaved parent. The rest of the world is expressing their thanks for all of their family, loved ones etc. As a bereaved parent, our thankful list can feel short or even non existent. It can be very hard to come up with a reason to be thankful when there is so much pain and loss. The pain of losing the most important dream of your life, the pain of losing friends and family who do not understand the depth of your grief. The loss of who we were before we lost our children.
Even though, I am without my beloved son, this and every Thanksgiving for the last seven years, I am thankful. I am thankful for the very short time we had with him. I am Thankful for the hopes and dreams I had while I carried him, they are the "memories" of his life for me. I am thankful for the angel of mercy who took my hand when he died and taught us how to live again. I am thankful for the other bereaved parents I have met along the way. Without them, I would not have had the strenth to go on myself. I hope I have helped them too. I am thankful for who I am now, because we went to hell and back, we can survive anything.
When it is difficult to find reasons to give thanks, be kind to yourself. Remind others to be kind to you too. You have suffered the greatest of all losses, it changes you, it changes everything. You will find reasons to give thanks again. This year, give thanks for your strength, and your courage to go on. Give thanks for the love you have for your child and the love they have for you.


http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/images/Articles/A_FORGIVING_THANKSGIVING.pdf

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/images/Articles/PREPARING_FOR_THANKSGIVING.pdf

http://www.bpmarion.org/HTML/ArticlesThanksGive.htm

Christmas Poems

These are just a few poem I've found for the holidays. The holidays can be so difficult as they are child centered. Please take comfort in memorializing you child during the holidays. Even the smallest gesture at this time of year can bring great peace.

Please have a peaceful holiday and New Year and remember our children are proud of us.

http://pilari.org/articles/baby-loss-christmas-poem.html

http://www.angelabode.com/holidayideas.html

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/qt/holidays.htm

Getting Through the Holidays

I  found this calendar to help ease the bereaved parent through the holidays and I thought it was great. I wish I had something like this when I was newly bereaved and struggling though our first holidays without Derek. It gives some great suggestions on things to do throughout the season to memorialize our babies.

http://www.erichad.com/holidays/calendar.htm

Thanksgiving

Please be kind to yourself this Thanksgiving and Holiday Season. Don't feel you need to put on a show, or happy face for others. You are a grieving parent, allow yourself to grieve. The holidays are a difficult time when you are a bereaved parent. It's not fair, the world seems to be celebrating when you don't feel there is a reason to celebrate. Don't let others tell you what to do or how to grieve, every person is different. There is no right or wrong. Try to keep your holidays simple, especially if this is your first. First holidays can be particularly painful, try to surround yourself with those who have been supportive and helpful in your grief.  Remember your love for your child isn't any more or less on this or any day. Even though it may be hard, try to remember the most wonderful memories of your child or pregnancy. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the gift of time and patience.
I hope your Thanksgiving is peaceful, and that you can enjoy the memories of your beloved child.

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/images/Articles/PREPARING_FOR_THANKSGIVING.pdf

http://journeyfrommourning.blogspot.com/2010/11/forgiving-thanksgiving.html

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/images/Articles/THANKFULVERSUSTHANKLESS.pdf

http://www.bpmarion.org/HTML/HolidayHelp.htm

Holiday Poem

At our meeting last night, the discussions centered around handling the holidays and all the conflicted emotions that make it more complicated for a bereaved parent and family. Everyone else in the world is so happy and we are so sad. Everyone is celebrating and we feel like staying in bed with the covers over our heads. As a bereaved parent, survival is key. Getting through the day without adding anymore torment is the kindest thing you can do for yourself at this time of the year. At the same time, finding ways to incorporate your child's memory into your family traditions can bring comfort. Each year expanding these traditions can give you the "parenting" experience for your child.  Ornaments with your child's name, a special tree, candles and donations in your child's name can be ways to keep them present in your family's holiday celebrations.




'Twas the Night Before Christmas" 
~ For Bereaved Parents ~
'Twas the month before Christmas and I dreaded the days,
That I knew I was facing - the holiday craze.
The stores were all filled with holiday lights,
In hopes of drawing customers by day and by night.
As others were making their holiday plans,
My heart was breaking - I couldn't understand.
I had lost my dear child a few years before,
And I knew what my holiday had in store.
When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound,
I sprang to my feet and was looking around,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The sight that I saw took my breath away,
And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near.
With beauty and grace they performed a dance,
I knew in a moment this wasn't by chance.
The hope that they gave me was a sign from above,
That my child was still near me and that I was loved.
The message they brought was my holiday gift,
And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself.
As I knelt closer to get a better view,
One allowed me to pet it - as if it knew -
That I needed the touch of its fragile wings,
To help me get through the holiday scene.
In the days that followed I carried the thought,
Of the message the butterflies left in my heart -
That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead,
Our children are with us - they're not really dead.
Yes, the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears,
A message of hope - a message so dear.
And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight,
"To all bereaved parents - We love you tonight!"
 -By Faye McCord - TCF, Jackson, MS
(the following poem is submitted in loving memory of my son, Lane McCord (/26/65 - 9/13/98) and is dedicated to all bereaved parents)

Helpful Holiday Links

These are some links with some suggestions  on to how to get through the holiday season.

Holiday suggestions for bereaved parents      http://www.reocities.com/jennbillncass/holidays.html

Handling the Holidays                                   http://www.misschildren.org/cherish/holidays.html

Surviving the Holidays                                          http://www.compassionatefriends.org/resources/Surviving_the_Holidays.aspx

The Holidays

The Holiday season, although joyous to the general population, can be particularly difficult for the bereaved parent. Often times the holidays are just as painful as the anniversary of our loss. Additionally, there are greater expectations from extended family and friends that may cause added pressure.
  Trying to be kind to yourself and accepting your limitations at this time of the year can be very helpful. Particularly when you are new to grief, it can be difficult to just be anywhere where people are happy, when you are so sad. Sometimes, starting a new tradition, such a lighting a candle or decorating a special tree, in memory of your child can be visual reminders to others that you are still in fact thinking of your child and would like them to be honored. Parenting can take many forms, doing even small things for your child can be of great comfort to you.