Anger

Anger is a very complicated feeling for the bereaved parent. We are angry at ourselves....blaming ourselves  for things we think we could have done differently. Anger at God.....wondering why he let something like this happen. Anger at others.....who say things they think comfort us but are actually very hurtful. Anger at the world for just going on like nothing happened. Anger is a burden that can be very hard to overcome. The anger can consume you. The loss of a child has no answer, it is impossible to reason out.  It is unlike any other grief.  If we allow the anger to take hold, we can hinder our healing, we can hinder our ability to find peace. I have always tried to think of what my son would have wanted when feelings of anger sneak in. I try to think about how, Derek would not have wanted me to be angry and miserable. He would want me to be happy. Sometimes that is all it takes to bring myself back. Other times when the anger has more of a hold. It can be helpful to let it out. Give yourself five or ten minutes to let it out, yell, scream, cry, throw something, punch a pillow, get it out of your head and heart. Then take a few breaths and regroup, try to figure out what triggered your more extreme anger and think of ways to handle it the next time it hits.  For me, the important thing is to realize is anger is part of my grief. I have to be mindful of it and not allow it to bring me down or set me back.


http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyloss/mcsurvivingemotionally.html

http://www.wdxcyber.com/nmood07.htm

Fear

After the loss of a pregnancy, your dream of becoming a parent has been shattered.  After the dust settles, and you begin to think about trying again, you hit a wall of fear. The fear of not being able to get pregnant  again. The fear of getting pregnant and the same thing happening again. The fear of getting pregnant and something different happening. The fear can be totally irrational and all consuming, but because you have lost a child, you know, what you fear can be a reality.  Fear is normal, we have experienced the worst thing to ever happen. When you have experienced heartbreak of that magnitude, it has lasting effects. Others try to be helpful and tell us to "think positively" and "be hopeful", but that is not easy. Taking it day by day, sometimes minute by minute is how I did it.  During my two subsequent pregnancies, there were days I didn't think I would make it. I didn't think I had the strength. Looking back now, I realize, the strength of a bereaved parent is almost infinite. We live. There is nothing harder to do than live while our children do not. We hardly ever give ourselves that credit. Everyday we climb the mountain of life after the loss of a child.  We owe it to ourselves and to our precious children to pursue our dream of parenthood. Our children are our most precious treasure and I truly believe they would want us to live life just as if they had been able to live with us.

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/tryingagainafterloss/tp/decidingwhentotryagain.htm

http://www.sidelines.org/

http://www.glowinthewoods.com/ttc-pregnancy-birth/

More Support Websites

Here are a few more website that have been of some help to myself and others. I would encourage searching yourself, with the advice to include "support" in the search engine. There are a lot of sites out there, many of which may be to sad or too shocking. Sticking with some of the bigger more well known sites might steer you in a more helpful direction.

www.earlyangels.com

www.bornangels.com/

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a15155/miscarriage_stillbirth_infant_loss

http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?folderId=1&listMode=13&nav=messages&webtag=ab-miscarriage

Support Groups

One of the best ways to deal with the grief of losing a child is to speak with other bereaved parents. Only another bereaved parent can truly understand what life is like without your child. Going to local support group meetings can be a way to minimize the isolated feeling sometimes felt. It can also be a great way to create a supportive network for yourself to share the difficult feelings and  emotions. We sometimes keep our feelings and thoughts hidden from our other friends and family, for fear they will make hurtful statements or think we are going crazy. Sometimes a local support groups might not work because of other obligations. This is where online support can come in. Many bereaved parents reach out online as a way to cope with their grief. There are tons of very helpful groups that can be found after a bit of looking. Below are just five of thousands. There is help our there in so many forms....You are not alone.


http://www.missfoundation.org/forums/

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

http://babylossandhealing.com/forums/

http://hygeiafoundation.org/form1.htm

http://www.inciid.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=29

Blessings

"God Bless the broken road that led me straight to my children" A friend in grief recently posted this, speaking of her angel daughter, living son and son on the way.

So often we only think of the sadness and pain associated with our losses, not the gifts that come as a result of our losses. Subsequent children, life lessons, new friends, courage, faith, hope. These "gifts" are so powerful. We are changed so completely by our losses we hardly recognize ourselves.  In the beginning, it can be hard to think you will ever be happy again. As time goes on, even though our sadness continues, we long for happiness again. When the initial shock of our loss has worn off a little, it is possible to start seeing the miracles our children leave with us. The little signs, others may take for granted, a sunny day, a butterfly, a new friend. It's important to not let the grief cover you so much that you cannot see these things. I try to see only the happy times and "good" left behind by my son. Without his passing, I would have never found out about a potentially life-threatening condition I carry. Apparently, my life is important enough to stay here, as hard as that is without him.  Without his passing, my marriage might not be so strong. Apparently, my husband and I belong together. I would not have created this blog. Apparently, it can be helpful to other living in grief. The list is almost endless, the blessing my son has bestowed onto me.  I am thankful every day for my son. Without his passing, I would not have seen the light.

Technical Difficulties

I apologize, apparently some of the post have disappeared. I am investigating this and will get everything back in oder ASAP.

Mother's Day

"Motherhood is an eternal place within your heart...a sacred place that belongs to you. Deep within the very essence of your existence, you are all mothers, whether you have living children or not-- you're still mothers-- beautiful and loving mothers. And while you may not be able to care for your child/children on earth, that sacred place of motherhood remains within you. Remember always that the love of a mother is stronger than any other force in the universe. The love of a mother transcends death." ~Joanne Caccitore, Founder of the MISS Foundation




Wishing everyone a peaceful and blessed Mother's Day 2010