Holiday Poem

At our meeting last night, the discussions centered around handling the holidays and all the conflicted emotions that make it more complicated for a bereaved parent and family. Everyone else in the world is so happy and we are so sad. Everyone is celebrating and we feel like staying in bed with the covers over our heads. As a bereaved parent, survival is key. Getting through the day without adding anymore torment is the kindest thing you can do for yourself at this time of the year. At the same time, finding ways to incorporate your child's memory into your family traditions can bring comfort. Each year expanding these traditions can give you the "parenting" experience for your child.  Ornaments with your child's name, a special tree, candles and donations in your child's name can be ways to keep them present in your family's holiday celebrations.




'Twas the Night Before Christmas" 
~ For Bereaved Parents ~
'Twas the month before Christmas and I dreaded the days,
That I knew I was facing - the holiday craze.
The stores were all filled with holiday lights,
In hopes of drawing customers by day and by night.
As others were making their holiday plans,
My heart was breaking - I couldn't understand.
I had lost my dear child a few years before,
And I knew what my holiday had in store.
When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound,
I sprang to my feet and was looking around,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The sight that I saw took my breath away,
And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near.
With beauty and grace they performed a dance,
I knew in a moment this wasn't by chance.
The hope that they gave me was a sign from above,
That my child was still near me and that I was loved.
The message they brought was my holiday gift,
And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself.
As I knelt closer to get a better view,
One allowed me to pet it - as if it knew -
That I needed the touch of its fragile wings,
To help me get through the holiday scene.
In the days that followed I carried the thought,
Of the message the butterflies left in my heart -
That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead,
Our children are with us - they're not really dead.
Yes, the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears,
A message of hope - a message so dear.
And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight,
"To all bereaved parents - We love you tonight!"
 -By Faye McCord - TCF, Jackson, MS
(the following poem is submitted in loving memory of my son, Lane McCord (/26/65 - 9/13/98) and is dedicated to all bereaved parents)

Helpful Holiday Links

These are some links with some suggestions  on to how to get through the holiday season.

Holiday suggestions for bereaved parents      http://www.reocities.com/jennbillncass/holidays.html

Handling the Holidays                                   http://www.misschildren.org/cherish/holidays.html

Surviving the Holidays                                          http://www.compassionatefriends.org/resources/Surviving_the_Holidays.aspx

The Holidays

The Holiday season, although joyous to the general population, can be particularly difficult for the bereaved parent. Often times the holidays are just as painful as the anniversary of our loss. Additionally, there are greater expectations from extended family and friends that may cause added pressure.
  Trying to be kind to yourself and accepting your limitations at this time of the year can be very helpful. Particularly when you are new to grief, it can be difficult to just be anywhere where people are happy, when you are so sad. Sometimes, starting a new tradition, such a lighting a candle or decorating a special tree, in memory of your child can be visual reminders to others that you are still in fact thinking of your child and would like them to be honored. Parenting can take many forms, doing even small things for your child can be of great comfort to you.

Meetings

The 1st and 3rd meetings of the month are general meetings, all stages of grief and are discussed, along with learning to deal with day to day interactions and coping with potentially painful situations.
 The 2nd meeting of the month is moving forward, discussions may include, but are not limited to, future/current pregnancies, adoption, medical procedures and different doctors.

All adults are welcome to any and all meetings.

Welcome

Welcome to the Help After Neonatal Death through Sharing site. A place to find support and comfort after the most devastating loss of your life.
    We are a parent run support group, that believes we can heal, through honoring our children and sharing our experiences with each other and our communities.