Dads

I have noticed over the years, there are very few resources for the Dads. I find that particularly awful. Dads are the unsung heroes, they usually hold it all together and rarely show their grief. They answer endless questions about how the Mom is doing, they field phone calls, and try their best to care for the Moms. But inside they are just as heartbroken as we are. They lost their baby too. Somehow, the outside world doesn't acknowledge that. Some Dads like to grieve privately or seem to keep it all inside, but I think they too would like to be asked how they are handling it all.
 Recently I have found some new sites for Dad by Dads. It is so important for a Dad to know they are not alone, somewhere there is another Dad feeling the same way, missing their child. As with Moms, it is important and reassuring to know another person has felt as you have. Dads need just as much love and support as Moms, even if they don't outwardly show it.

http://fathersgrievinginfantloss.blogspot.com/

http://grievingdads.wordpress.com/

http://www.dazeddad.com/

http://www.glowinthewoods.com/

http://irishdad.wordpress.com/

Ceremony of Remembrance

Please save the date

Saturday May 7th 2011

10am-12noon

Ceremony of Remembrance



This is a beautiful ceremony where we can honor our children and ourselves as their parents

Please contact the Perinatal Bereavement Office  (845)483-6683 at Vassar Brothers Medical Center for more info and to RSVP.

Before and After

The link at the bottom of this post is very interesting. It is about the before and after of a loss. Before we lost our son, we were pretty regular people. We didn't focus on the sad things we focused on the happy. We were our own fair weather friends. After our loss, I realized fair weather friends are a waste, a tease if you will. I thought they would be around when we lost our son. They were not. I have found, it is easy to be around for happy times, but far more meaningful to be around during the sad and hard times. I have learned that even the smallest effort makes a huge impact when you are going through a difficult time.....especially the loss of a child. It has taught me to go the extra distance, make an extra effort to comfort someone going through a loss. It makes all the difference in the world.


http://onlyangelsmakethelist.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-you-should-know-about-us.html

Other peoples issues

When you lose a child, you become painfully aware that other people's problems are so petty. Nothing can compare to the loss of a child.  Then, as you are grieving the loss of your beloved baby, you are stuck having to listen to nonsense. Most other people just don't get it... After one...maybe two months have passed, most people feel your grief should be winding down. They feel they can again approach you with their petty issues and problems. Or, tell you how you are acting too depressed, too weepy, might need medication etc. You as the bereaved parent are then stuck thinking about telling them the truth about their lack of support, lack of empathy, lack of common sense. Another friend in grief gave me the idea to "write a letter" to someone who was showing lack of support and really tell them how I felt. I mean REALLY tell them how I felt.  Then rip up the letter. It was very helpful, especially to write a letter to someone I knew would never get it and who it would be a waste of my energy trying to share with. It was so helpful to get the anger and resentment out of my head and heart.
The truth is, unless someone has lost a child, they can never truly understand the depth of your loss. A blessed few can be supportive and helpful. The rest..... not so much.

I stumbled across this post from another blogger and it really sums up how I felt and often times still feel six and a half years later.
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2011/1/17/correspondence.html

HANDS Meeting Cancellation 1/12/11

Our HANDS support group meeting scheduled for Janurary 12, 2011 has been cancelled due to a state of emergency in Dutchess County. Please do not venture out during the storm. We will be back next week at our usual time and place.

Christmas Poems

These are just a few poem I've found for the holidays. The holidays can be so difficult as they are child centered. Please take comfort in memorializing you child during the holidays. Even the smallest gesture at this time of year can bring great peace.

Please have a peaceful holiday and New Year and remember our children are proud of us.

http://pilari.org/articles/baby-loss-christmas-poem.html

http://www.angelabode.com/holidayideas.html

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copingwithmiscarriages/qt/holidays.htm

Local Memorial Events

There is a candle lighting event to memorialize children who has passed. 


RHINEBECK: Burnett & White Funeral Homes of Rhinebeck and Red Hook, in conjunction with the international group The Compassionate Friends, will sponsor the seventh annual candle-lighting ceremony for anyone in the Hudson Valley who would like to remember a child who has died. Those who wish to participate should go to Burnett & White Funeral Home, 91 E.Market St., Rhinebeck, at 6:45 p.m. Dec. 12. The lighting of candles will begin at 7 p.m., followed by the sharing of memories and fellowship. A remembrance table will be available and those who attend are encouraged to bring photographs and memorabilia to display, as well as letters, poems, music or favorite readings to share. For more information, call 845-876-3193 or 845-758-5042.